Why am I Doing this Solitary Retreat?

Well... erm... I don't know. It seemed a good idea when I booked it and then, well, I'd booked it hadn't I? I couldn't cancel it, that would be rude!

I am afraid that I am not up to this and will want to come home after the first 3 days (which are notoriously difficult to get past). I am afraid that I will be staying somewhere, very remote, that I don't know. I am afraid of the night time, when it'll be dark and there will be noises I don't recognise. I am afraid that all the meditation and solitude will encourage things to emerge in my mind that I will not be able to deal with. I am afraid of coming home and being a different person to my family and friends. I am afraid of being alone.

Fear. The greatest cause of inaction. Maybe that's why I am doing this retreat? These fears, in reality, are not real. I am conjuring them in my mind as a reaction to my fear of change and my fear of what will emerge without distractions to protect me.


Well, enough of that, here are the main reasons I booked the retreat:

1) The Great Turning.

"The Great Turning is a name for the essential adventure of our time: the shift from the industrial growth society to a life-sustaining civilization.

The ecological and social crises we face are inflamed by an economic system dependent on accelerating growth. This self-destructing political economy sets its goals and measures its performance in terms of ever-increasing corporate profits--in other words by how fast materials can be extracted from Earth and turned into consumer products, weapons, and waste.

A revolution is underway because people are realizing that our needs can be met without destroying our world. We have the technical knowledge, the communication tools, and material resources to grow enough food, ensure clean air and water, and meet rational energy needs. Future generations, if there is a livable world for them, will look back at the epochal transition we are making to a life-sustaining society. And they may well call this the time of the Great Turning. It is happening now.

Whether or not it is recognized by corporate-controlled media, the Great Turning is a reality. Although we cannot know yet if it will take hold in time for humans and other complex life forms to survive, we can know that it is under way. And it is gaining momentum, through the actions of countless individuals and groups around the world. To see this as the larger context of our lives clears our vision and summons our courage."

Joanna Macy -www.joannamacy.net/

I was going to write all that myself, but Joanna Macy has said it all! Since I was in my early teens I have been an activist and aware of the World as it is in the description above. With my teen angst I fought and fought and got angrier and angrier. Nothing changed except there was a bit more anger in the world.

Now I understand that there is an individual responsibility. I can't change people. I can only live my life. So my resposibility is to find out the best way for me to live to benefit the whole. I can't do this easily while I'm being distracted all the time. So I am taking myself away for a bit to have a look and see where I am at and what I can do with that.

2) Meet myself.

On my last solitary retreat I met myself for, what felt like, the first time. Sounds odd doesn't it? Well, the experience of it was odder. I am an actual person made up of a bundle of experiences, atoms and things. I don't plan to work out what that actually means, that would be like meditating on what's beyond the edge of the Universe! It's just an interesting feeling realising that you are a being. A human being. Part of a long line of human beings and only one of infinite beings in the Universe. It's so cool, so liberating and really puts you in your place!

3) Have a nice time.

I plan to have a thoroughly nice time. I enjoyed my company the last time and don't see why this time will be any different!

Solitary Retreat - Preparations

This next few days I am preparing for my 2 week solitary retreat.

My preparations for the retreat are as follows:

1) Slowly increase my practice to 2 hours a day. A mix of sitting meditation, walking meditation, mindfulness in everyday tasks. This should help prevent my mind from going into shock at my meditation schedule next week!

2) Talking only when necessary. This helps to instill calmness and helps me to control my flitting mind by giving me more space to be mindful of what I say. I will be starting this in ernest tomorrow.

3) Move more gently and with awareness. Again, this will help to make me feel generally calmer.

4) Food preparations. I don't want to have to think too much about what I am going to eat everyday. So I am planning now what I will have. There'll be no popping out to the shops for two weeks, so I want to make sure that the important stuff is not forgotton!

4) Study material. Books and other writings.

5) Retreat book. I have a note book that I take with me on all my retreats and keep a sort of diary. It is an eye opener!

6) Bedding

7) Outdoor gear - hillwalking will be a part of this retreat.

8) Bivvy gear - I may want to go out into the hills and bivvy a night or two.

9) Spinning gear. I have decided one of my mindfulness practices is going to be handspinning. So I'll be taking some slivers and a wheel. I might decide not to take these though come friday.

10) Carving tools

11) Art things

12) Elm Dance. I will do the Elm Dance everyday morning and evening as my opening and closing ritual. It is a powerful dance that will help to connect me to the Great Turning movement across the world and ground me in my practice, help me to remember why I am doing this retreat. Which is another post entirely!


So, you see, I am going to have plenty to be occupied with. A solitary retreat is what you want it to be. Mindfulness and meditation is the main core practice of this retreat and creativity and nature is the theme. We'll see what happens after a few days though!


hen
xxx

Solitary Retreat and Mindfulness

At the end of next week I'll be going off for a 2 week solitary retreat. It'll be in a very remote place and I am really looking forward to it. I have decided that I am going to blog about parts of this retreat.

Going on retreat, for me, is very important. It's like an electric jolt to the spiritual system. Which is a terrible analogy, but it's late! I'll be going on the retreat without a time table or plan, as open minded as possible. It'll be good to see what emerges. There will be a simple format of meditation throughout the day, but nothing too taxing initially. I will be taking one rule with me...

be kind to my mind or it'll run away!

There is one thing that has been lolling about in my mind the past few weeks, Mindfulness. So mindfulness might become a theme of the retreat, who knows.

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware in everyday actions and reactions. It's not that easy for me, but I suppose that's why it's a practice.

The word 'practice' is my key word. Just like everything that I want to do in life, I have to practice in order to get good at any of it.

Day to day practice is hard though. Happily I've managed to stop beating myself up for not meditating every day or not doing lots of nice things for the world. It was just stopping me meditating and doing nice things for the world. So, I'm a bit kinder to myself and it seems to be doing the trick.

The solitary retreat may help me to strip away a few more of the trillion things that weigh down Hen and let me have a good old shake and come away a bit refreshed.

... Or I might go mad.


To be perfectly honest, I'm apprehensive about going, as well as excited!

;o)

hen
xxx

The Great Turning and Solitary Retreats

The Sheiling, Dhanakosa

Last year I spent, in total, about a month in retreat in an attempt to settle my mind, answer some painful questions about our Earth and decide whether the direction I was headed was the right one. The final week of this was in solitary retreat in a hut in the Scottish foothills of Balqhuidder.

One of the retreats I attended was based on the Great Turning using the Work that Reconnects - conceived by the incredible Joanna Macy.

"The Great Turning is a name for the essential adventure of our time: the shift from the industrial growth society to a life-sustaining civilization." Joanna Macy

Please use the links to Joanna Macy's website to learn more. She has some strong answers to help us deal with our pain in this time of the Great Turning and give us the strength and inspiration to keep going and understand our feelings.

In my playlist is a song called the Elm Dance. Please take some time to have a look at the details of this powerful song and dance.

My plan was to go through the Work that Reconnects retreat and then immediately spend a week in solitary retreat allowing myself to let what emerged settle and what couldn't emerge, emerge... all with no distractions.

There is no way I suspected what I was about to experience. Just one week in solitary retreat, doesn't sound very long I know, but believe me, it's not easy. One week set aside to be alone without any distractions has had one of the most profound effects on my life. Going on solitary retreat clarified the job of learning and living. It's effects still permeate my everyday life, even when I'm being a bit rubbish. I had never really met myself. Finally, there I was, all fragile and powerful. Quite frightening to behold but also in need of care, attention and protection. For the first time I was able to feel compassion toward Hen and understand just how deeply important it is to be compassionate to oneself.

A Hen head, 5th day of Solitary Retreat

A week isn't long enough. To begin with though I think it's sensible to give yourself a chance and ease yourself in by starting with one week and then building yourself up. As I said, it's not a simple task. If there is one gift you give yourself in this life, I would suggest going on a solitary retreat should be somewhere near the top of your list. This website is brilliant goingonretreat.com.


View from the Sheiling

The solitary retreat photographs are fuzzy because I realised half way through the week I had a camera on my mobile phone. I hadn't thought of it before because there was no mobile reception up there! I'm happy I took the photo's!

Just Sitting

After feeling washed out and tired all day Leo asked if I'd like to do some breathing meditation. After fighting the urge to stay on the computer, I lazily agreed.

We sat in front of the fire for half an hour and followed a wonderful, guided meditation by Bodhipaksa. Utterly relaxing and mentally invigorating at the same time. (hmmm... maybe that's why I'm still up).

I'm fascinated to understand why we don't do everything we can to be healthy and happy. If we're honest, we all know deep down what is best for our mental and physical health and we all know we could do better to look after ourselves. So what is 'it' that stops us?

I will fill my belly with rubbish that makes me feel pants and fill my brain with the same kind of crap (mostly due to my 'I can't help myself' attachment to channel 4 'aren't people mad' documentaries). I have a constant need to be distracted by something, anything! Rather than face up to the messy reality of my mind and the world around me.

Meditation helps me to remove the distractions. That's hard and sometimes painful. I suppose that's why it's so difficult for me to choose to meditate over doing everything else.

It's much easier to carve a spoon or make a basket, at least it only takes a dust pan and brush to clean that mess up!